So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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