Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
