Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
