We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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