Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
