My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
