ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
