Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
