Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
