Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
