even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
