I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
