Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
