Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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