So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
