Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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