I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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