But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
