Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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