Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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