I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
