Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
