There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
