What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
