dude i'm inner monologue high
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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