I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
