Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
