I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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