New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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