if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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