is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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