So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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