cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
