FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
