Me too!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
