ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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