I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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