that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
