You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
