Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
