im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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