On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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