dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
