I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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