i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
