you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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