I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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