the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
