Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
