I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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